Shane Battier celebrated his second NBA title at Denny's.

WAFFLES > PANCAKES. Via: @ShaneBattier

Like one of my closest friends would say, you can never go wrong with breakfast at 2 in the morning. NEVER.

Shane Battier referred to his Game 7 benching as eating a turd sandwich.

Gross. But Shane gets two player points for South Park references.

These are real words that Shane Battier said when asked about the Game 7 benching, that reduced him into a lowly personal sweat wiper. From USA Today:

"[...] Obviously as a competitor, it was tough. I'm not going to lie. It was maybe the toughest thing I've gone through as a competitor. Super happy for my team and my teammates. 

"In retrospect, it's OK today. Every now and then you've got to eat a turd sandwich. You eat a turd sandwich and that ribeye tastes really good next time. That's life. That's the way I look at it."

Sheesh, Dookies...AM I RIGHT? (Get it? It's funny because he is Duke alumni talking about poop. /Slaps knee.)

Via: BDL

Shane Battier's flops set to opera music.

It doesn't compare to the all-NBA version, but the use of music in this one is just as amazing.

Via: TBJ

Random NBA .GIFs: David West and Roy Hibbert receives crushing blows to their groins.

Ugh. If you don't mind, can you please excuse me for a minute, while I curl up in my sheets and cringe for the victims above. WHY WON'T IT STOP REPLAYING? Maybe putting up these .gifs weren't such a great idea. STOP ALREADY. I CAN FEEL THE IMPACT. *pukes everywhere*

Via: SB Nation and @cjzero

Hey ladies, what do think about Shane Battier's new mustache?

Via: @tomhaberstroh/ESPN

This is what happens when a playoff team sweeps their opponents in the first round and has 8 days of rest before their next game against a team (either the Bulls or the Nets) that just went all 7 games to get into the next round. After receiving four stitches in his chin from slamming into the hardwood in game 2 of the Heat-Bucks series, Shane Battier grew a beard to cover it up. And now that he has fully heal, he decided it would be fun to change things up because he was bored, which pretty much explains why that abominable thing is lying on his upper lip. So ladies and gents, you do you think? Aside from looking like a registered sex offender, is it working for Shane? (There is only correct one answer to this question and I hope for humanity that you get it right.)

Shane Battier receives 1,100 cases of beer from Bud Light.

The Miami Heat might be playing for champagne, but the occasional beer is always fun. Just don't invited Chris "The Birdman" Andersen to the party, no one wants to walk down that road again. But knowing the big dork that Shane Battier is, there is probably nothing to worry about.

Random NBA .GIF of the Day: Shane Battier Trickery.

Via: @cjzero

Of course Shane Battier would pull off the oldest trick in the book, on an in bounds play, in the final seconds of the game to run out the clock for Miami's 23rd straight win. This is exactly what you want old people on your team to do. You did sign him for that "veteran experience."

Shane Battier dunked a basketball. In a real game. On a regulation hoop.

This is so weird, guys. Normally, when a 6ft 8 basketball player can dunk the basketball, it is no big deal. But when that 6ft 8 guy happens to be 3,000 year old Shane Battier, a man that is known for being hard nosed defender, while being totally athletically underwhelming, slams one home, everyone goes crazy and deservedly so. According to Tom Haberstroh of ESPN, this is Shane Battier's first dunk as a member of the Miami Heat.

That is almost 4 years. Who knew his brittle old bones could still support his body at this age. It is a miracle, really. And I think Shane knows that too.

If this is indeed, his last dunk, I am glad he got to put a little "ummf" on it with the leg tuck.

Join Shane Battier, LeBron James and the Miami Heat for the 2nd Annual "South Beach Battioke" Charity Event.

If you are not convinced that this will be the best time of your life, there might be a serious problem with you. Well, that or you really hate the Heat. I can't imagine anything better than spending $250 (charity) for a night of NBA players singing your favorites song in the worst way possible. After all, the best karaoke happens also happens to be the worst. Too bad Josh Harrellson, the man that everyone is paying for to see just got waived by the team yesterday, I guess there won't be any jorts in sight. Oh wait, I forgot it is still in Miami, so there will be rich 50 year old dudes in those designer denim shorts.

Also I would like to note that Shane Battier is super corny, he is for sure one of those embarrassing Dads that do weird things out of love, but you will never appreciate it because it makes you never want to be seen in public with him. Good luck to his kids.

The Houston Rockets made a tribute video for Shane Battier in the most Shane Battier way.

This would be exactly how you imagine a Shane Battier tribute video be like. Lots of three point shots taken, lots of hands in people's faces, and just a lot of being nice. It is kind of odd that Houston made him one instead of the Memphis Grizzlies, who drafted him and had him the longest. Considering the playoff appearances, Memphis actually has one more with Shane, even though neither team went farther than the Western Conference Semifinal (Both teams once) and are usually done in the first round, the wrinkly headed man deserved it.

Source: @BeyondtheBuzzer

The Miami Heat are hypocrites.

As you all know, NBA is finally implementing a system to prevent flopping, by administering the culprits fines after games.

One of the biggest offenders are the reigning champions Miami Heat, and yes, Clippers you are without a doubt flop city. But a major change this year, without Reggie Evans as one of the core guys, the Clips will definitely take big drop on the offender list.

Today was NBA media day and the coach of the Heat, Erik Spoelstra was asked some critical questions that are recorded by the press in form of tweets.

 Okay, so I better not see Lebron wobbling like top after getting hit.

 But you just said, you are toughening up your guys, what are you trying to say Pat Riley's puppet?

WHOA, of all people, Battier actually called flopping a problem when he is making a legitimate NBA career out of it, that is ridiculous, just like this flop he pulled. (Clip via @basquiatball) 




Sources: @tomhaberstroh and @MiamiHeraldHeat

Shane Battier calls out Chase Budinger's crush on Alex Morgan on Twitter, results in a hilarious comeback.

Chase Budinger was just chilling and watching the 2012 London Olympics Women's Soccer Semifinal between Canada and USA. As you know, the game ended with Alex Morgan's Header that gave the American team the win, but what you didn't know was that at that same moment, Chase got butterflies in his stomach, his heart beated faster than ever and decided to proclaim his love for the striker on twitter. Hilarity ensues.

OH BURN! I mean that's COLD!!!