The Brooklyn Nets tries to speak Russian, while struggling to pinpoint Russia on the map.

Geez, guys. Did you all skip geography class in school? Granted, they are super boring, but you have got to  know where the largest country in the world is. Circling the entire Eurasia is not good enough. If I were them, I would go on that Google thing, and get to know a little about Russia. Just so when the time comes, and Mr. Mikhail Prohrov makes a joke with Russian references, I can laugh at it and avoid getting executed by one of Mikhail Prokhorov's gangster buddies. Say what you want, I just want to keep my fingers on my hand.

Get to know Brooklyn Net's owner, Mikhail Prokhorov.

From GQ

On the surface, Mikhail Prokhorov is a Russian billionaire that happens to own a basketball team and has connections to the gangsters in his home-country, no biggie. Just by that short bio, many would be scared out of their mind to even approach him in the wrong way, but to my surprise he is actually pretty cool, at least from this recent interview with the New York Post.

The following are excerpts from the original article:

Even on vacation, it’s very intense. I do sports of different kinds for up to eight hours a day. My posse usually needs another vacation after a vacation with me.

That's tough, but I am up for it, take me to one of your French $30 million vacation that you have reportedly taken your posse to.

I’m much more like my mother. She was cool as a cucumber, as you say in English. In Russian, we say calm as a boa constrictor!

Way to put a new twist to the in Soviet Russia jokes.

I have said that if the Nets don’t win the NBA championship within five years, I will punish myself by getting married. We are in year three. So no one is more interested in winning a championship than yours truly.

Poor you, having to date and marry models.

Q: Which actor would you want to play you in the movie about your life and why?
A: Chris Rock or Danny DeVito. For obvious physical resemblance.

Oh man, this billionaire got jokes.

Q: People you haven’t met and would like to meet?
A: This person called Honey Boo Boo is at the top of my list at the moment.

Of his hit list! As bad as honey boo boo is, she is still just a little girl, stop your gangster bros before this gets out of hand.

Benjamin Franklin because I feel I know him already. During the wild 90’s, when there was no real banking system, Russia had more $100 bills in circulation than any country in the world!

The most billionaire thing to be said by a billionaire.

Q: Favorite sports movie?
A: All the “Rocky” movies, except the one where he beats up on the Russian, of course.

This man exuberates Russian pride like no other.

There we have it, the most interesting NBA Owner in the world.

Sources: NY Post, GQ (Picture)

The Brooklyn Net's New Barclays Center has no toilet paper.

Photo by Adam E. Moreira

When the Net left New Jersey this year, they were were given a new home in Brooklyn. The city spent a billion dollars to build them the Barclays Center. You would think a billion dollar sports revenue would have all the luxuries in the world, but apparently you and I are both mistaken.

From DNAinfo:

Department of Health inspectors this month hit the freshly opened arena’s Calvin Klein Courtside Club with four violation points after they discovered the bathroom at the exclusive lounge was “not maintained and provided with toilet paper, waste receptacle and self-closing door.”

Maybe they are being interpret wrong, seeing that Calvin Klein are sponsors, they might be supplying towels for your butt wiping needs and fresh underwear as you leave. Or it is safe to assume that only rich people can afford the facilities in the center.I mean, who else can afford to wipe themselves with money. 

Just jokes Mikhail Prokhorov, please don't call your former Russian gangster bros to break my fingers, I can help you with this problem. I am sure you don't want your players to have to hold it in during games. If you are looking for some advice for long term NBA success, NEVER GO CHEAP ON THE 2-PLY, 3 is too thick, not optimum for a complete clean.


Source: Nets Are Scorching