Timofey Mozgov and the Russian Shake.

Yo Denver Nuggets I am really happy for you, Imma let you finish but that was the biggest celebration for a travelling violation of all-time. Well, it is nothing compared to Chris Duhon's travel dance, but by peer numbers, it was the biggest of all time. Timofey still has a lot to clean up before you can compare it to the "Dream Shake." A pivot foot is called a pivot foot for a reason.

The Brooklyn Nets tries to speak Russian, while struggling to pinpoint Russia on the map.

Geez, guys. Did you all skip geography class in school? Granted, they are super boring, but you have got to  know where the largest country in the world is. Circling the entire Eurasia is not good enough. If I were them, I would go on that Google thing, and get to know a little about Russia. Just so when the time comes, and Mr. Mikhail Prohrov makes a joke with Russian references, I can laugh at it and avoid getting executed by one of Mikhail Prokhorov's gangster buddies. Say what you want, I just want to keep my fingers on my hand.

Notes: Minnesota Timberwolves vs. Los Angeles Clippers [11/28/12]

Los Angeles Clippers 101 - Minnesota Timberwolves 95

The Good

Clippers: They got to play at their ideal pace, quick and against unsettled defense. They had 22 fast break points and 54 points in the paint. Chris Paul was allowed to dissect the floor with ease against the Minnesota point guards. He could have taken way more shots, but that is not his game, he uses his vision to create for others.

DeAndre Jordan anchored the spectacular interior defense, his length and shot blocking neutralized the opponent bigs. The Clippers have steadily improved their defense, helping just enough in the paint while keeping their assignment close to bother their shot.

Wolves: They grabbed 52 rebounds (21 Offensive, 10 more than the Clips) to keep themselves in the game. Alexey Shved was huge off the bench, his 17 points proves that he is more than suitable to start over the inconsistent Malcolm Lee, who is not the defensive stopper Adelman thinks he is. The Wolves defense is good enough to get stops, it is the offense that needs help. Besides, Shved's length alone is enough to bother most guards. At least Adelman stopped the J.J. Barea and Luke Ridnour combo.

The Bad

Clippers: The Clippers rarely get out rebounded by such a large margin, needs to box out and stop the guards from creeping in to steal the rebound.

Wolves: Obviously injuries, Andrei Kirklenko would definitely change the results of this game. Without AK, the Wolves are forced to put Pekovic out in the high post. His limited passing ability and inability to knock down the 15 footer does not do anything productive for the Wovles. Back door cuts were Minnesota's bread and butter when AK is on the floor because he can space it so well. Kevin Love is still not in game shape or perfect health. He only contributed by getting to the line 8 times and has Ronny Turiaf's love of jumping at every single pump fake to thank for. I also thought he was too PASSive, he looked to pass too often and usually holds on to the ball long enough for a double team to come, resulting in an ugly possession. To sum it up,  20 turnovers and 38 points in the paint is not a formula for success against a team that thrives in transition.

Deron Williams picked Reggie Evans to help him fight off a zombie apocalpyse.

In recent interview with GQ, Deron Williams answered a question we really wanted ask (not really):

GQ: Lastly, an important question we've all been wondering. If there was a zombie takeover of Brooklyn, and you had to choose one teammate—current or ex—to fight them off, who are you taking?

Oh, no question. Reggie Evans. He's tough. He's crazy. He'd have my back in any situation. You don't want someone who's going to run away and leave you when those zombies are coming at you. Reggie, he'd be there ‘til the end. I know he'd be fighting every last one with me.

  

Okay, I am not an expert in the field of zombie killing unless it came down to video games, but I can damn sure choose a better partner. Reggie Evans stand 6 foot 8, with a physically imposing body, would be an obvious choice to go against a mass horde of zombies. But, testicle grabbing is not a skill that will be of use when your brains are in danger because zombie testicles will likely fall off on their own. And neither will excessive flopping be of any effect. Zombies will attack only attack non zombies, so acting like you died by lying on the floor is not going to work.

I feel like it is my mission, nay my duty to help Deron out in this situation by going through his team (Brooklyn Nets) and picking the best possible person for the job. Jerry Stackhouse is clearly out of the question, as he is already a zombie waiting for a chance to pounce. Gerald Wallace will just give himself up early by trying to fight off a bunch of undead creatures at once. Kris Humphris might be good because he has already gone from hell and back. His marriage with Kim Kardashian will provide much needed experience. Upon further review, I have concluded that none other than Joe Johnson is the perfect candidate.

He will not only go under the radar, his possession of a zombie like personality, can easily fool his undead counterparts, lead Deron to safety and when necessary, turn on his killer instinct in the last minute to save the day. If everything else fails, screw the players, take your owner, Mikhail Prokhorov, he is a Russia gangster, has assault weapons at disposal, and last time I heard, guns can actually kill zombies.

Source: GQ

The Round Up - November 4th, 2012

Stats Rundown:

Dwight Howard did a little bit of everything in his first victory in a Lakers uniform, finishing with 28 points, 7 rebounds and 3 blocks. Honorable mention to Kevin Martin who is not going to let the Beard out do him, scoring 28 points in the loss to the Hawks.

Board Monster: Nikola Vucevic used his magical touch to grab 13 rebounds in a surprise blow out of the Phoenix Suns. Who would have thought they would be on the other end and have a 2 game win streak.

Thief: Steve Blake who usually turns the ball over, got 5 steals today. So that's basically why the Lakers won today.

Butter Fingers: Kevin Durant was 2 assists shy of his first triple double, and was 4 turnovers away from a quadruple double. Jrue Holiday also lost the basketball 6 times today.

Rookie Watch:
Damian Lillard did not play today, therefore no one is deserving of this honor. (Alexey Shved got 8 points, and I know you don't care)

Time Machine User:
I guess Kobe Bryant didn't need his knee to be German treated, because he has been ballin'. In the first Lakers victory of the season, the Black Mamba scored 15 points, dished 8 dimes and grabbed 7 boards in the destruction of the poor Pistons.

Best Hair: Andrew Bynum showing us how to never change and be yourself, no matter how much money you get, you stick to your roots and remain HOBO (get it? I changed it from humble to hobo because he looks like one, haha I am sorry).
From @jemelehill:

Whoops: Dante Cunningham heel kicked J.J. Barea's forehead while going for a rebound. Tests confirmed he gave his own teammate a mild concussion. Two concussions in the last 4 days, when did I start watching football?

My Bad: Russell Westbrook saved the basketball from out of bounds under his own basket for a hustle play, too bad it didn't really work out because Al "weird ears" Horford caught it and dunked it. (Will update with video)

This must have been his reaction:

Who is this Melo person and why is he actually playing defense?

Highlight of the Night: Jeff Teague only knows one dunk and this time he did it properly.