Brian Scalabrine teaches kids how to use scissors.

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Can someone please teach Scal how to speak to children. Just because you were on the 2008 Championship Boston Celtics team and happen to be the greatest of all time in garbage minutes, doesn't mean you should use that tone to talk to kids. You can't just speak to them with all of the White Mamba intensity at this young stage of their life, they are not ready. It will get in to their head and you probably don't want to risk any snipped fingers in your first visit to kindergarten.

And you are totally wrong about the whole scissors thing. You can definitely go full way, as long as you don't pull back. The glide method is pretty solid too.

Brian Scalabrine torched everyone in the Scallenge.

Well, what do you know, as if you expected anything else, Brian Scalabrine annihilated anyone that dared to question his supremacy on the hardwood. The footage itself was not as appealing as it was in the trailer, but why wouldn't you want to watch your favorite garbage minute man play basketball.

From CBS Boston:

Scalabrine — who spent the last few seasons of his career seen as the “human victory cigar” — easily defeated all four of his opponents, throwing down monstrous jams and sinking smooth jumpers as he beat them all by a combined score of 44-6.

If you don't have 30 minutes to spare or would rather not watch an out of shape ex-NBA player destroy his competition, here's a short recap of the event.

First up was Matt Tomaszewski, a Syracuse alum that spent time on Jim Boeheim’s bench last season. Though his resume was impressive, he was no match for Scalabrine. ... it was as close as 7-3 after a nifty hook shot from Tomaszewski, Scal finished him off by attacking the basket, and walked away with his first victory of the day by a score of 11-3.

Scal had no problems with his next two opponents, Jake Fay of Lynn and Rich Morantus of Foxboro. Neither scored a point, as Scal posted back-to-back shutouts.

In conclusion, all you need to know is that no matter how bad an NBA player was in his career, you can not beat him even after retirement. The White Mamba did everyone a favor today, standing up for all of the NBA busts. Proving that a bench warmer can take on 4 one on one games consecutively and still crush the competition.

A Preview of Brian Scalabrine's One on One Scallenge.

If you haven't heard, some where in December of 2012, Brian Scalabrine challenged everyone in Boston to a One on One game.

Via TBJ:

In Boston right now, we have this challenge going out. I (Brian Scalabrine) do a radio show out there, and there are people on the street that really believe they can beat me. So we’re doing tryouts for the top 10 people in Boston to play me one-on-one.

And we’re playing to 11. And we’re gonna film it, everything. The reality of people and what they think NBA players are like. I’m the last guy on the bench and I will kick your butt if you’re out on the streets. It’s just the way it is.

To make your Friday even better, here's a preview of the White Mamba destroying naive NBA fans.

The best thing that could possibly happen, has happened. The games will air on January 22nd, you might want to ask for a day off, because you won't just watch it once. Believe me when I say that you will likely spend at least 24 hours watching an ex-NBA benchwarmer compete against random people for that beautiful White Mamba trophy (at least that is what I think it is). Please don't let the world end yet.

Via: CSNNE

Brian Scalabrine is an Action Movie Star.

Great to see the White Mamba still in great shape, blocking dudes and dunking. It only makes sense that he uses his remaining athletic ability to film an Action Movie-esque commercial. Even though it is really about a NBA player seeking another sports drink other than Gatorade, only to be banned from such liquids thanks to David Stern. It was not said, but I am sure it was implied. Must be due to "basketball reason," am I right? Anyway we live in a world now, where Brian Scalabrine is filming action commercials and 66 year old Sylvester Stallone kicking ass with a bunch of other dudes on screen, maybe the Mayans were right after all.

The White Mamba explains the difference between him and the Black Mamba.

In conclusion, Brian Scalabrine is the chillest bro in the world. All other arguments are invalid.