Friday, January 11, 2013

Zach Randolph, Human Bear is afraid of cats.

Zach Randolph has been in house arrest for battery, juvy for receiving stolen guns, and arrested for underage drinking. He was once part of the notorious Jailblazers, but since leaving Portland, he has cleaned up his act. The city of Memphis embraces him as the face of the franchise now and loves the work of the gentle giant on and off the court. But it is still shocking to hear that this 6 foot 9, 260 pound man is deathly afraid of cats.

From ESPN:
Like you, I’m a dog lover. On a possibly related note, I feel, in my heart of hearts, that cats are evil. Feel me?

Naw, you’re right: You can’t be both a dog lover and a cat lover. I’ve got a crazy phobia about cats. For some reason, I’m always thinking they’re going to scratch me. If a cat walks up, I’m going, “Oh no, this dude about to scratch me -- I know it!” Cats scare the hell out of me. I love animals, but I’m no cat lover. Guys usually aren’t.
I am with Z-Bo on this one, there is something about cats that just doesn't sit right. I know cats are secretly planning for world domination. If we don't stop them one day, we, humans will be enslaved by the evil feline overlords. Here are a few reasons why I came into such a conclusion:
  • First off, they look evil, I will never trust those deceiving eyes.
  • They are always staring you down, trying to size you up for when their evil plans go into action.
  • Cats have already seized control of the internet, so they have access to everyone's information.
  • These animals were once treated as Gods in Ancient Egypt, they were even mummified. Don't you think they want to regain that control again. What are you going to do against cat mummies. The right answer is nothing, you can't fight it off.
  • According to scientists, Cats mimic human babies to manipulate you. That purr you hear, don't fall for it, walk any closer and those claws will be in your Jugulars in a second.
  • Haven't you seen Cats & Dogs, they have a secret criminal organization, with ninja cats. Not to mention, they kidnapped a whole family to get their hands on a cure for allergic reactions to dogs, so they can reverse the formula to make everyone allergic to their Canine enemies.
  • Also have you ever seen an evil villain that strokes a dog instead of a cat, because I haven't. If these were not enough to convince you that cats are nefarious creatures, than good luck to you.
Personally, I rather not take my chances.

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